The Tinsel Town Unicorns: Three Celebrity Mums Who Got It Right

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Every day, we walk past the cash registers, news agents and magazine stands of our cities or towns, pausing to flick through the glossy pages of our favourite trash staples, wishing to be someone else for a moment. Celebrity fantasies can take us many places; from the beaches of ultra-exclusive St Tropez, the shopping strips of Rodeo Drive, to the tight, firm bodies of new mothers, jogging between appointments in their closely clinging, chic workout wear. These maternal goddesses seem like unicorns; mythical creatures striding forward with their shining manes and glittering accessories, a Yves St Laurent tote clutched underhand and a child, dimples and bright eyes, trundling along in the latest carriage, the pearly horn to complete the picture.

Angelina Jolie
Ang has attracted the ire and fascination over the years. Sexy, sophisticated and so attune to her own soul, many women, men and tawdry publications have felt the urge to attack her, especially in light of earlier scandals. Billy Bob Thorton (blood amulets, anyone?), James Haven (sibling relations on the red carpet) and the whole Bennifer kerfuffle (Aniston seems to have moved on, several times over – and good for her!) seemed to mar her early entrance into Tinseltown. And then, lo and behold, she starts adopting children left and right, putting her high functioning ovaries aside for a few years to make a true difference in the world. The Angelina Lesson: Be a fighter. One person can make a difference, even if one must go against what is fashionable to do so (and still look damn fine)!

Katie HolmesThough it didn’t take Kiki to regain her slammin’ body (thanks to a Cruise controlled diet and her billion personal trainers) after pocket rocket Suri was born, she kind of fell into a holding pattern of shopping, shoes and carrying her growing girl around like a Louis Vuitton; these days, she’s thrown the blessings of Xenu to the wind and escaped the clutches of Tommy, turning instead to the stage and a comparably quiet life. The KKat Lesson: Do what you can for your children, to keep them safe and happy – even if it’s hard. Ask favours from family and put faith in those who love you, not for what you believe, but for who you are.

Jessica AlbaIf you have a boyfriend, partner, husband, brother or adult son…basically, a heterosexual male rolling around the house, you’ll know Jessica continues to be hot property. A perfect pout, silken hair, luscious long legs, the mother of two always looks her best. But it’s hard to hate her. She’s always with her children, savouring the simple moments usually relegated to a tribe of helpers; not that she’s not a latte sipping, high flying trendster, but her family values are endearing, refreshing and addictive. Check out her Instagram or Twitter feed sometime for a spot of mid-commute stalking. The Alba Lesson: You can still be a hot minx and represent what’s important to you. Feeling too swollen or squishy right now to even consider ducking into a garish boutique? A bit time poor? Pop online and scour the cyber shelves of Maternity Sale Australia.

Truth time. We can never be like them. Not because we’re not pretty, brave, smart or determined, no, we’re all of those things ladies. Plus some and more. What we lack isn’t within us; celebrities have money, too much in our eyes, even among those who make in the hundred thousand’s a year. And what does money buy, in our collective experience? Time? Personal Trainers? Nannies? Chefs and Caterers? Sure, if you’re celebrity. They have armies, coffee dates and gym slots; the rest of us? We barely have time to clean the vomit from our hair.

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