With Exams Come Emotional Times

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Lately there have been little reminders (OK, and huge ones thrown in the mix too) of how terrible things were for me a couple of years ago.

I was confused, afraid, angry, and so, so tired.

My relationship with my boyfriend was in a very awkward, very precarious place.

I was getting calls from my close friends, asking me if we were still together because they saw some rather incriminating pictures on Facebook. Rue Bee (you are the best!) was there for me constantly, whether it was on MSN, or on the phone, or whether it was just to go out for lunch with me when I was feeling down in the dumps.

My boyfriend himself, well, for some reason, didn't understand what I wanted (or rather, what I didn't want). When he finally did get it, though, everything else wouldn't quit.

And then I was thrown into this hurricane of lies and hurt and frustration. At first, I didn't know what to believe. But then, as he has done resiliently and unfailingly for the past 2 years, my boyfriend taught me love, and trust, and forgiveness. I have had very bad experiences with exes (I put it down to karma, and let's just leave it at that), and I thought I could never trust someone, no matter what point in the relationship we were at, and no matter how devoted to me a guy seemed to be.
But then he changed my entire outlook, and I began to trust him, despite what other people told me. Despite what other people thought of me.

I turned away from the lies that everyone seemed to believe (and I don't blame them for believing), and into the arms of my boyfriend.

Lately, exams and the stress of it all are making me unravel a little bit. I started questioning everything, wondering what was real, and what wasn't. I put too much faith in the fact that people are good, and don't lie. I still believe that there's good in everyone, and that behind the worst of actions, lie the best of intentions. I just know now, that people do lie, and sometimes, desperate people can do insane things.

And so, I'm working on keeping my head above the water, and stay above and beyond these petty disturbances.

I'm hoping for the strength and the will to do this. Sending good thoughts to everyone else out there. I hope your days are light and joyous  :)

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